Happy New Year?

firstly, may i comment: i can't believe it's been a whole year since i was sitting here, on this same couch, watching jools holland's hooternanny.

now that annual statement is out the way, what's all this bollox about "new year" anyway?

to start, it's at totally the wrong time of year. far too close to christmas - i mean, as if there isn't enough to do! the 1st of november (the first day of olden times) is a far better time. the winter is kicking in and there's a decent break before the next bout of festivities adorned with the traditional faux jollity. for goodness sake, why are we all still pretending that we're having a great time? we're either crowded down at the thames, where we wait 4 hours for  the ubiquitous fireworks which are never worth the wait, and then a further two hours trying to get away from the area - hemmed in by thousands of drunks who are either standing on your toes or vomiting in front of you, or worse still, being sick down your back and, just to add insult to injury, it's usually pissing it down and you've lost your umbrella.

or, you might be the lucky so-and-so sitting safely in a restaurant, paying about four times more for a meal that is either late or cold or someone else's, and then someone drinks a bottle of single-malt and when it's time to pay everyone insists "lets just split the bill equally" (bastards!). then it's some dodgy "mini-cab" to take you home, but for some reason they now think it's acceptable to charge £20 for what's usually a £5 fare.

what's all this compulsory enjoyment about anyway? i would much prefer if the "having fun" was voluntary. this is one good thing about getting older. when i was under 30 i had to force myself to stay up all night, getting drunk and "enjoying" myself. i couldn't let the side down - proving it for the youth! but, as soon as i hit 30 it was [check me watch] "oh my, it's 10.30! time for me to go now" and an immediate dash for the door. now i'm even older i don't even have to participate. no one complains. after all, who wants some miserable old wanker permanently wedged into the comfiest  armchair in the house, demanding strangers bring them drinks, all night long?

so - here i am, on the couch - we have 2 bottles of champaign, one's already gone and shortly, when the second is through, i will be off to me bed.

see you in 2011.

Quality?

well, i suppose it doesn't quantify anything.... so, i will: POOR QUALITY!

poor quality should be the name of that street of confection.

for christmas i bought the obligatory tin of (sub) quality street, not realising that they are such a rip-off and that nestle is blatantly sticking two fingers up at the great british public for allowing such sub-standard confection to make our mothers fat over the festive period.

i was in a sainsbury's garage recently and noticed "the purple one" on sale as an individual item. why? why are they calling the hazelnut caramel "the purple one"? i'm guessing it's because it is so popular that they give it a nick-name now. so popular, that nestle, in their infinite wisdom, decide to put only 6 of the little beggars in a whole tin. the tin was not a cheap buy, yet i find myself, post christmas, with a tin FULL of cherry creams and orange creams that even oliver turned his nose up at!

gone is the nougat (green wrapper). even "the purple one" has but a hazel nut where once a majestic brazil nut stood (the damn thing is even still shaped like a brazil nut - are we such fools? it appears nestle believe it so).

so what gives guys? are we going to stand for 6 caramel creams and only 4 (i kid you not!), FOUR! noisette triangles!? (and dare i mention there be only 1 toffee penny - what's wrong with these people!)

i say lets stand together, let us stand up to those blaggards at nestle, stand up for equality, choc-equality. they must put an equal number of each flavour, in every tin. stop taking the british public for mugs.

you will only push us so far!

Goodwill to all mankind?

just a couple of days before the mass of christ, i found myself in one of the local supermarkets - i'll name it; morrisons (other supermarkets are available), but i am sure that a display of the christmas spirit, such as i am about to impart to you, could have been found in any of the country's markets supreme.


as i was moving towards the exit (i use this verb, as walking would have not quiet explained the motion i was travelling in - perhaps; bustle, meander or grinding to a halt might have been a more fitting description) i happened to pass by a mother and daughter, and an elderly lady. now, i am not quite sure of the crime of the elderly lady - perhaps she did not show due reverance to the pair, or perhaps her dilapidated frame caused her to be a trifle slow in getting out of the way, or perhaps she had just been unaware of the two who had been moving behind her in a similar motion to us all (it was mighty thronged, as it was after all, nearly christmas). but , whatever the devilment of this wisened old-dear, the time of year did not shake or hinder the daughter in raising her christmas spirit aloft and hurling it directly between the eyes of her elderly victim with a "you stupid woman!" rather aggressively phrased.


i am sure the mother an daughter were relieved as they left the building, that the little-old-lady hadn't instead been a big-middle-aged-man, for where would their christmas cheer and goodwill have got them then?


merry christmas!

Getting Started

Ok - So, where do I start? I thought I'd give this blog thing ago, but not sure if anyone really wants to hear my vague ranting about things local to me and irrelevant to anyone else - save my mother (and i even doubt she would really tolerate anything i have to say for long).


i just heard someone else was doing a blog and thought "i could do that" and now i'm thinking, "do i really want to". So i've gone under a pseudonym so no one will know who i am. i could be your neighbour, or that old git on the bus yesterday, the one that wouldn't stop coughing in his hankie.


so, now, content - errr, i'll get back to you on that one.